This week was my first week back home in good ole Jersey. I was starting to get anxious that I wasn't doing enough work while away and was scared I would be in a hole when I got back. I felt this way because I didn't practice any makeup at all while being away. Before I left, I thought I'd either practice on a friend or find some work. I even went as far as bringing my ENTIRE kit with me. Which, by the way, weighed about 15 pounds. So that's 15 pounds I had to account for in my checked bag. So that meant packing fewer clothes, and not being able to bring back goodies from home i.e. tortillas, Mexican candy, etc.
Instead, I visited with friends and family, went out to brunch a few times, went on some hikes, played games, played tennis, and did everything you do when you're away from your "normal" life. With all that, I spent some great quality time with my parents and some extended family.
On my last day in Arizona, I spent the whole day with my aunt. My aunt also happens to be my Nina (look it up gringitos if you don't know). We had such a wonderful visit together, and I know she really needed it because of the difficult time she's currently going through. She and I had very in-depth conversations about the state of our familial matters, the state of the world, and the state of our spirituality. It's actually funny, on the 45-minute drive back to her house that Sunday, I told her about "The Four Agreements," and her face lit up. She told me she knew EXACTLY what book I was talking about because she read it a few times.
We've always had a great connection, but it felt as though it became deeper after this visit. Moments before I got in my Uber to leave for the airport she told me, "Jordan, you always bring up the energy in every room you're in. You're an 'upper.' Please don't forget that." Those words sat with me on my red-eye flight back.
Despite the great time I had, I started to beat myself up about not being productive. Perhaps a bit too much. When I got back, I had a call with one of my mentors. I told him about my trip, and the wonderful time I had visiting my friends in Seattle and my family in Arizona. I told him about the conversations I had with my aunt. I also told him how I was feeling now being back in Jersey. I told him about my anxious feelings and my worry about being behind.
He listened intently and provided some insight for me. He said, "Jordan, although you didn't practice your craft, you were practicing other skills. Your aunt even pointed something out to you that I bet you didn't even realize. Being an 'upper,' as your aunt puts it, is a highly valuable skill to have. You were practicing that skill without even realizing it. Don't beat yourself up over not working on makeup, because this is just as important to practice."
He was totally right! I don't know how I let that get lost in the wake of my feelings of self-defeating doubt. All-in-all, what I'm saying is that it's important to take a step back. Reflect on ALL that we are doing. Don't just focus on the small picture, but look at the bigger picture!
Lastly, don't beat yourself up because YOU'RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE!